fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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