i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
