Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
