guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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