i think my tv is drunk
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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