Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
