his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
