So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize