Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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