thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Randomize
