I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I came so hard my ears popped.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
