My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize