I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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