there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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