sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
