i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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