I wanna passion pit in your ass
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You were trust falling into bushes
It's not a walk of shame if you run
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize