Are we in a gay sports bar?
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
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