I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
