So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
