Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
