He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
