all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize