i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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