so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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