She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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