i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
