3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
