five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I AM VODKA MAN
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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