It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
