i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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