im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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