While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize