genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
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