i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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