You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
