Cold hands, warm shart.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
