They should really pass out barf bags in church
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
