I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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