I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
