He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
