I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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