I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
it glows. i had to have it.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
