apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
