I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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