Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i dont even know how to be here
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
foreskin is a definite game changer
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
