She is in my trunk
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
