in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize