girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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