All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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