i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
try to milk me bitch
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