Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize