her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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