Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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