If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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