thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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