I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
