I will die if light touches me.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
