I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I forget how to act sober
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