Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
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