I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
