Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
