need another drink. this is the easiest way
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
