...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
