batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
