Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
