how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
