He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
