I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
