someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
